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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26692) - you deserved it (8717)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (3907)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30696) - you deserved it (3029)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

#21407958
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27336) - you deserved it (1786)

On 05/10/2015 at 6:08pm - misc - by weirdlaugh (woman) - United States

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28076) - you deserved it (7014)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30898) - you deserved it (2860)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26843) - you deserved it (2058)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28040) - you deserved it (2078)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33494) - you deserved it (2731)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24208) - you deserved it (10131)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

#21407249
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (9259)

On 05/09/2015 at 1:13pm - misc - by Rar (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

#21407053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27541) - you deserved it (1803)

On 05/09/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by sarahmaxine - United States (Nevada)



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