Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML

by can you read? / 04/08/2016 at 3:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

by Arachnofail / 04/08/2016 at 12:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

by TappedAnts / 04/07/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

by ThrewItOntheGrooooooound / 04/07/2016 at 5:48am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

by Stingraybeemonster / 04/07/2016 at 4:51am / Thailand / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML

by Pretty_Pisces / 04/06/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

by Upfront / 04/06/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

by nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees / 04/05/2016 at 4:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2016 at 4:13pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

by tatertotes13 / 04/05/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML