Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2016 at 11:41am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

by Mybrotherissatan / 03/10/2016 at 10:59am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

by SlowPacker / 03/09/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

by Thanks Trump / 03/08/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML

by jwill200 / 03/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML

by Tiny_Nerd / 03/08/2016 at 10:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

by erptwerp / 03/07/2016 at 11:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML

by it's called an accelerator, grandma, get your ass in gear / 03/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous