Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

by mn051299 / 02/10/2016 at 4:09am / Switzerland (Schwyz) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

by ApparentlyaPotato / 02/10/2016 at 12:08am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

by Shiet / 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 6:28am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

by nofriends / 02/09/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2016 at 2:47pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2016 at 12:43pm / Austria / Miscellaneous

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

by Asian / 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2016 at 12:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

by sick of this shit / 02/06/2016 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

by cuntingbitchofawhore / 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous