Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:49am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 4:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

by Jif_Creamy / 02/28/2016 at 12:00am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

by BroadcitySF / 02/27/2016 at 10:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

by blaaargh / 02/27/2016 at 3:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

by speed-dialing dr kevorkian / 02/27/2016 at 2:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my new boss while on speakerphone. Then, my sister yelled for me, asking me to check whether she had a yeast infection or not. FML

by embarrassed much / 02/26/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2016 at 3:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

by RandomMe / 02/26/2016 at 3:00am / Cambodia / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

by Mudge / 02/25/2016 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous