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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

#21378919
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27330) - you deserved it (2239)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by poop - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28640) - you deserved it (3410)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27340) - you deserved it (2068)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (3096)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

#21378047
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32273) - you deserved it (4615)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm - misc - by shawnsmuffins - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

#21378005
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30450) - you deserved it (2046)

On 03/19/2015 at 8:54pm - misc - by Hm (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

#21377727
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27124) - you deserved it (2482)

On 03/19/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

#21377510
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109) - you deserved it (45389)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by copycat - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

#21377506
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36003) - you deserved it (2492)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

#21377103
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29653) - you deserved it (3721)

On 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by fuck (man) - Netherlands

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

#21376941
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (184) - you deserved it (22)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

#21376924
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34875) - you deserved it (39)

On 03/18/2015 at 4:37am - misc - by Speechless - United States (California)

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

#21376903
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (326) - you deserved it (12)

On 03/18/2015 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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