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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

#21357102
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40741) - you deserved it (2143)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

#21356993
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (2250)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

#21356659
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33651) - you deserved it (2805)

On 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29602) - you deserved it (9895)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

#21356363
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31920) - you deserved it (3223)

On 02/14/2015 at 11:07pm - misc - by Rubyscooby212 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

#21355983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (2091)

On 02/14/2015 at 2:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

#21355845
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35634) - you deserved it (1575)

On 02/14/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by secret - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35682) - you deserved it (3192)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

#21355556
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34787) - you deserved it (2088)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:43pm - misc - by DumbFace714 - United States (California)

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33369) - you deserved it (3384)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

#21355416
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23224) - you deserved it (1815)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:31pm - misc - by jostertoaster12 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

#21355411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34548) - you deserved it (2006)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

#21355326
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (2946)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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