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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

#21409757
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (3015)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Muralove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31157) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24039) - you deserved it (3029)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26820) - you deserved it (2163)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
132 comments

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

#21408702
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26039) - you deserved it (1780)

On 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (8714)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26196) - you deserved it (3904)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30659) - you deserved it (3026)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

#21407958
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27329) - you deserved it (1784)

On 05/10/2015 at 6:08pm - misc - by weirdlaugh (woman) - United States

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

#21407716
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28061) - you deserved it (7009)

On 05/10/2015 at 10:34am - misc - by pissed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (2630)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26821) - you deserved it (2058)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)



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