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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

#21355411
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33790) - you deserved it (1836)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

#21355326
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27283) - you deserved it (2936)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

#21354690
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29201) - you deserved it (5700)

On 02/12/2015 at 12:23pm - misc - by ahhhhhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

#21354679
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33292) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18742) - you deserved it (35565)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29170) - you deserved it (9742)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (3271)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

#21353961
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (3114)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:39am - misc - by TJFuentes (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15778) - you deserved it (33891)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

#21353566
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34510) - you deserved it (2327)

On 02/10/2015 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

#21353380
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33275) - you deserved it (2298)

On 02/10/2015 at 1:05pm - misc - by ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

#21353006
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28714) - you deserved it (2628)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:32pm - misc - by LunaCrow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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