Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36662) - you deserved it (3558)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43979) - you deserved it (3316)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

#21252905
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37507) - you deserved it (2734)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by UghDude (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38146) - you deserved it (2491)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

#21252624
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32264) - you deserved it (9207)

On 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by tbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15596) - you deserved it (36015)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

#21252441
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32361) - you deserved it (2983)

On 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

#21252132
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35181) - you deserved it (3144)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by AllieG33 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42675) - you deserved it (3183)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37037) - you deserved it (2904)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16775) - you deserved it (31302)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34189) - you deserved it (4520)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: