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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15590) - you deserved it (36004)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

#21252441
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32353) - you deserved it (2983)

On 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

#21252132
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35175) - you deserved it (3144)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by AllieG33 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42672) - you deserved it (3183)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37024) - you deserved it (2904)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16771) - you deserved it (31294)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34177) - you deserved it (4519)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

#21250852
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33251) - you deserved it (12782)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm - misc - by akieferr - United States

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50451) - you deserved it (2479)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

#21250632
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (3202)

On 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

#21250584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37462) - you deserved it (11413)

On 09/02/2014 at 3:48pm - misc - by A continent away (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

#21250496
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36548) - you deserved it (3463)

On 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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