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Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, my sister told me the reason why she went with me to a gay pride parade a few months ago was because she thought it would inspire me to come out. FML

Today, my mother told me that she and my father aren't coming to my wedding if my estranged brother who stopped talking to me two years ago isn't invited. She claims they don't want to choose sides. Brother: 1. Me: 0. FML

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

#21253639
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35193) - you deserved it (3887)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

#21253597
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36274) - you deserved it (3824)

On 09/07/2014 at 9:45am - misc - by goodmorning - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

#21253498
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35374) - you deserved it (4706)

On 09/07/2014 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

#21253301
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32310) - you deserved it (3918)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:34pm - misc - by Not Wanted - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

#21253199
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33441) - you deserved it (3450)

On 09/06/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36648) - you deserved it (3558)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43971) - you deserved it (3314)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

#21252905
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37495) - you deserved it (2734)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by UghDude (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (2490)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

#21252624
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32259) - you deserved it (9206)

On 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by tbee - United States (Illinois)



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