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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

#21417834
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27607) - you deserved it (1806)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

#21417809
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12372) - you deserved it (35464)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by smartass - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26444) - you deserved it (2412)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

#21417508
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (3967)

On 05/29/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Great (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

#21417490
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (5577)

On 05/29/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by sassy_girl144 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

#21417394
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25942) - you deserved it (4758)

On 05/29/2015 at 12:16am - misc - by idonthavereligion (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

#21417105
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24322) - you deserved it (2937)

On 05/28/2015 at 11:40am - misc - by svunimportant - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

#21416830
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26511) - you deserved it (6429)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:28pm - misc - by drivingmecrazy - United States (California)

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

#21416691
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28492) - you deserved it (1771)

On 05/27/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by concom - Cyprus

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (2043)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

#21415763
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26606) - you deserved it (1660)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by wrestling probs - United States

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (2107)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML



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