Today, I was in the bathroom having major diarrhea, when the lights went out. There was no other light whatsoever, so I had to crawl out of the bathroom, butt covered in crap. I managed to hit my head on the stall door, and trip over a bench. All with my pants down. In a public restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13067) - you totally deserved it (5609)
On 01/29/2010 at 8:27pm - misc - by nixie - Sent from a mobile version
He probably didn't wipe because he still had diareah coming out, and he didn't really have a chance.
#20 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:45am by Danielt104
Okay forget my last comment. Why the Hell did you get on the floor and start rolling around with diareah coming out of your ass?!? You should have just stayed on the toilet, and kept doing your thing.
#24 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:52am by Danielt104
either half of the people that post make this shit right up, or they're just dumb as fuck. this is so unrealistic.
You are the most stupid person I have seen on FML. FYI, that's not a good thing. You don't have the brains to find the toilet paper or pull up your pants? It's really nit that hard I mean you do it everyday anyways, hopefully. YDI for being more stupid than a brick.
Seriously wipe ur ass or was there no TP and was the stall door locked or something why'd you crawl out ur a dumb ass YDI
#75 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:14am by Jazzmie
did anybody else realize he "tripped" over a bench?? how the fuck can you trip over a bench while crawling on the floor? its possible to run into a bench, ya, but not trip over one. i call FAKE on this one.
#131 - On 01/30/2010 at 2:07pm by lovej4ever
this fake fml had just as little thought and logic put into it as parents who sent their little boys to Michael jacksons house.
#171 - On 01/31/2010 at 12:48am by PottentialFML
why are you crawling if you walked in? why can't you wipe? why don't you pull up your pants? WTF.? your a waste of skin op
Agreed. it happened to me once. I finshed by groping for the toilet paper and turned the lights on after I ashed my hands. How blind is OP?
#185 - On 01/31/2010 at 10:42am by Rock_squared
washed my hands. sorry for the typo. and to clarify, I only agree with Danielt104.
#186 - On 01/31/2010 at 10:44am by Rock_squared
Yes pretty sure I'd of cleaned myself up first. it's not like the toilet paper wouldn't have been in easy reach.
My thoughts exactly, I'm a Grammar Nazi and not ashamed to say it.
#103 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:13am by snake_Girl85
Haha. Just because you know the difference between "have" and "of" does not make you a "grammar nazi" (which is not a title and should not be capitalized). You also have a comma splice.
#106 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:43am by splitsides
Obviously not, as you appear to not have the best grasp of grammar or punctuation.
#150 - On 01/30/2010 at 6:23pm by SadieVincent
since when does the lights go out = missing toilet paper and the inability to pull up your pants? Was it so hard to feel around for paper and your pants?
#5 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:14am by BluPenguin
What the hell? That is the most effed up story I've ever read here.
You couldn't wipe your ass in the dark? No TP? Tear off your underwear and use them, janitors love finding soiled laundry in the crapper.
The rest of you... Moderate before you go and smoke your lunch.
#7 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:20am by CallMeHush
are you just plain dumb.... and what idiot approved this one
#8 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:20am by lostonetajeh
i agree with this unless the OP was like 5 i rlly don't see why you couldnt have taken care of it. And what did you go out in the store like that? this fml makes no sense.
#56 - On 01/30/2010 at 7:28am by strawberry6826
if you knew what horrific, misspelled, and butchered crap is put up for moderation, you wouldn't be saying that
#167 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:19pm by minimini902
OH MY GOD! i know right? its like do you know how to spell? or put words together? i love moderating just so i can deny the stupid ones that dont make sense
#197 - On 02/01/2010 at 2:27am by missey_jey
seriously? u couldn't feel around for some toilet paper to wipe ur swamp ass before doing an army crawl across the nasty public bathroom? ydi for not having common sense
FYI, you have shit for brains. First you could have wipe your A** before you crawl out from the stool and then used the light on your phone as a flash light.
lmfaoooo what a lyin retard... he didn't have to crawl... why is there a bench in a bathroom, and how'd u trip over it if u were crawling? and don't u have a phone u couldve used that as a light
#191 - On 01/31/2010 at 4:12pm by celestialkidd
dumbass. I'm pretty sure that an infant can find it's ass in the dark. and you probly caught super-aids from crawling on that floor
Hmmm lights off=retardation in this case apparently. Imagine if the lights had come on with this idiot crawling round with shit halfway down his arse. That would take alot of explaining!
#15 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:40am by Tankgirl14
Wait, let's overanalyze this first, in real FML style!
Maybe the guy was handicapped, a poor crible, and your all horible for making fun of a disabled!!
am I the only one or does FML's always get overanalyzed?
I really don't see how a fleshlight would help in this situation. Except give the dude (assuming gender here based on the fleshlight) more of a reason to stay in his damn stall.
Really? You had to leave the stall...couldn't wipe your ass in the dark? That's pretty sad. YDI for being a grown adult and not knowing how to clean yourself.
#25 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:56am by nviedemerde
totally fake. a normal person would of just said "this sucks" wipe there ass pull up there pants and leave.
1: No toilet paper, hmm?
2: Apparently you can't feel your pants in the dark?
3: And you can't unlock the door?
I call fake, or you're legally retarded. either way, this FML is stupid.
#30 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:07am by hawkie409
You couldn't wipe yout butt because you couldn't see it in the dark?
Does that mean you can see it with the lights on..? You actually need to look down there and go "Aw yes now, a little to the left... ah, there it is..."
I sincerely hope this is a fake.
the worst part about this one is that its a repeat, ive seen it on here before
#33 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:17am by erikeet216
lights turned off, diaherra on your butt
looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.
was wondering when someone would say this
#35 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:52am by saviisneat
Between this comment and #28... what's the deal? Mind helping the rest of us out? Is the story a reference to a song or something?
#43 - On 01/30/2010 at 5:27am by orp_michael
You didn't see the video? It's like the newest internet thing. Some guy went on AI, like 65, decided to sing about how kids have their pants on the ground. Because he finds it disrespectful and thinks it's destroying the country. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTVhcH-1QI0
EDIT: Oh, you replied at like 5:30am EST. Never mind. xP You're probably in another country. But it's still like the newest internet thing going on.
#66 - On 01/30/2010 at 8:34am by babylon_pride
Why is every french FML from nord pas de calais? I swear, everyone, everyday there's a new one. There's something very weird going on here, or there, as it were.
#36 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:55am by humblebumble
if the site can't get your location, it defaults to Nord Pas De Calais.
#42 - On 01/30/2010 at 5:16am by spitfire35
Not really. The site was originally a French site, and probably started in Nord Pas De Calais.
#125 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:15pm by mirror2liquid
Okay really, why the hell would you have to crawl out? Wipe your ass, pull up your pants, UNLOCK THE STALL DOOR and walk out. That part was the strangest to me, that the OP had to crawl out.
#46 - On 01/30/2010 at 6:02am by Daydreamer86
Haha! this is greatest fml I've ever read. I can't believe you bugged out and forgot to wipe your own shit-caked ass, before fumbling around the floor in the dark. You probably left a trail of evidence, didn't you?
#47 - On 01/30/2010 at 6:21am by rockaholic89
why did u go in a public place if u had diarhea? that was stupid and tha light from ur phone..duhh..and if u hadda waited 2 maybe 3 minutes they woulda came back on
Well, it is difficult to find one's butt in the dark, so that one can wipe it... Especially when the cellphone that can be used as a weak flashlight and light up a small area is not yet invented...
#49 - On 01/30/2010 at 6:27am by catkat1988
I'm thinking this is fake. If it isn't, the OP has well surpassed the worst idiocy imaginable.
#52 - On 01/30/2010 at 6:59am by ScreamToday
Did you happen to be in the handicap stall at the time?
#53 - On 01/30/2010 at 7:04am by fueledbyellie
I don't get why you would get up? why not just stay on the toilet, finish, wipe your ass and wait for the lights to come back on. I'm sure in a public restroom emergency lights would kick on within a min or two.
#54 - On 01/30/2010 at 7:08am by cadillackitty
All i could think of is seeing a war scene of a guy doing a drill crawl and he start shitting him self as the lights go out and the enemies charge in. :D today this FML are making me visiualize alot lol
Holy Crap.. O.O I was thinking something similar, like: Damn, this isn't Vietnam, solider. You're pooping ! Didn't yer mama put yer candy ass on the bucket when you was a boy? Wasser major malfunction!?
OTOH lmaoo @the befuddled comments
Hahaha! I lmfao'ed @ the comments. 11 and 35 are especially win!
OP: you fail and totally deserve
#62 - On 01/30/2010 at 8:12am by DynamicDave
bullshit story. there is no reason why you couldn't wipe your ass, and pull up your pants before you left. you don't need to see to do this
#65 - On 01/30/2010 at 8:33am by mamamc
So just because it went dark, you couldn't stay one the toilet? And if you were done, you didn't have the ability to find the toilet paper? AND you couldn't manage to locate the door latch? Wait, if you had to "crawl" how did you trip over a bench?
Does't really matter, because this story is effed up, and you are a complete dumbass.
#74 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:13am by awesomelylame
So you just felt like you needed attention and this was the best you could muster? Try honing your lying skills to make them more believeable, or just start writing ficiton novels.
#76 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:21am by Joceannora
I can't think of a single reason why you would "have to crawl out of the bathroom, butt covered in crap". Why not (crazy idea here) stay in until you're done, whipe your ass, pull your pants up, and then *walk* out. Unless you're somehow allergic to the dark, this is the most comically bad reaction to a light-out I've ever heard of.
#78 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:26am by uxoriouswidow
lol you were lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground
#80 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:39am by CIRACIKIEIR
How did this FML even make it? I have had better ones that have been rejected. This sounds so unreal and it has zero entertainment value. FYL for being stupid and writing this and F whoevers L that moderated this. Wow.
What? Was the TP on some sort of electronic dispenser? Not really sure why you can't wipe your butt when the lights go out... Sounds fake.
They must have some of that crazy high tech toilet paper that needs to be plugged into an outlet for it to work.
#86 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:59am by lovezombie
YDI to the OP. You're not in a friggin CAVE. Let your eyes adjust or you know, finish in the dark, wipe your ass and leave.
It's like saying "I was in the middle of peeing when suddenly the lights went off. I pissed all over the stall, my shoes, face and clothes before having to climb out of the stall and crawl to the door."
and where the fuck you were going anyroad?you weren't planning on going all the way to your god damn car looking like a cunt crawling with your pants down did you???
first of all, F'ing wipe!
second of all, why did u crawl YDI?
u didn't pay atten to where the door was when ya came in?
all ur fault !!!!!
sounds like a fake cuz y would anyone not wipe not put their pants back on and crawl in a pu lic restroom? BS!!!
#91 - On 01/30/2010 at 10:16am by Fr0gg13
I bet the OP actually just got caught in a public bathroom while he had diarrhea and decided to add a bunch of unnecessary bullspit to get it posted on FML. FHL because he's an attention whore.
Some people could approve the best and the worst, so that OP's like this one receive a lot of crap for being so stupid.
I had a real FML and the prefered to put this fake stupid sh*t FML!
#100 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:01am by o0XMzMayX0o
Yea I gotta say this is fake. First why wouldnt you wipe your ass? Toilet paper is generally in the same area in public restrooms. Feel around til you find it. It really isn't that hard to find your ass weather you can see or not.
#104 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:15am by yessirfosho
Clearly this is fake. Especially the "there was no other source of light" part. This was posted from a mobile source so I'm assuming some sort of cell phone, and if he just turned the brightness setting up he would had a flashlight.
Also, just because it is dark doesn't mean everything magically changes places. Any normal person would have just said "damn," finished their business, wiped up, and calmly left.
This thing is so clearly fake it's painful.
#105 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:34am by Chicostick
So TP doesn’t work without electricity or without sight? I am confused… Wow we are in trouble if this is the intellect of the general population! I guess Helen Keller must have always smelled like shit knowing that she lived her life without electricity or sight
“Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.”
#107 - On 01/30/2010 at 11:49am by shouldsmilemore
(1) Why didn't you wipe?
(2) Was your cellphone with you? Why didn't you try using it like a flashlight?
(3) Sans the former, why didn't you try waiting for the power to come back or light get turned back on?
(4) Why didn't you try finding and fiddling with the door handle/lock?
(5) Why didn't you feel your way around instead of stumbling over everything?
...
You know, I could go on like this forever. Did you even give anything much forethought? From here, I can't even tell.
I don't believe this for a second. Your post reeks of bull. Of course, whether or not it's true, your "logic" is full of it.
#111 - On 01/30/2010 at 12:10pm by blastvortex
Even a blind person knows that usually bathroom stall doors are pretty much about 4 to 5 feet distance from the toilet with the tp dispenser either on the left or right side mounted. I just don't understand why the person couldn't use his senses. Good luck with your sex life because most people like to have sex in the dark lol. Fake FML
#112 - On 01/30/2010 at 12:17pm by PentiumBawls8
you can still wipe yourself in the dark can't you? I mean you know where your butthole right?
#113 - On 01/30/2010 at 12:21pm by thaprodigy_07
man at public restrooms TP is within reach of a 10 year old so OP was not looking for the TP
#114 - On 01/30/2010 at 12:24pm by Silentstrike
you are the dumbest idiot ever! wipe ur ass first! and b4 u say there was no paper-- utter bullshit-- u wouldn't have squirted without checking! YDI= You Dumb Idiot!
#116 - On 01/30/2010 at 12:45pm by littlemissxtc
I think your reaction coud've been a little bit better. So what if the lights went out while you were taking a crap, continue taking your crap. Overreacting like that is ridiculous... :( FYL!
this is worse than taking a dump and leaving the door open i mean seriously man you went into an emotional tirade because the lights went out and seriously what if it happened in your home (oh yeah let me walk out with sh*t on my draws in front of my family im sure they wont mind)
#119 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:04pm by marquisallover
Either you're stupid as fuck, or this is fake.
Seriously, why didn't you just wipe your ass? if there was no toilet paper, you shouldn't have even gone into that stall.
#120 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:06pm by rouxvanity
WOW. You are seriously the stupidest person in the entire world. You are so fucking stupid. Just finish shitting and wipe your ass. Idiot. Why did you need to crawl off the toilet when the lights went out? You're so fucking stupid.
#123 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:13pm by TyingANoose
what was the reasoning for not wiping your ass? Was there no toilet paper? Even if there was no toilet paper, why did crawling around on the dirty floor with your dirty ass sticking up in the air seem like a good idea? are you stupid? Do you like to crawl on public restroom floors with your pants pulled down for fun? Is that's what's hot on the streets? crawling around on dirty restroom floors? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
#126 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:28pm by punky_lynn
lol If you were scared to be in the washroom while the lights were out, you should've just wiped and pulled up your pants, and then tried to get out. The tish is right beside you, so it wouldn't have been hard to do.
What would you have done if the lghts came back on suddenly, while your pants were down? (o_O)
#127 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:33pm by RadioTrashRocket
Lol. I'm gonna go with everyone else. Why did you get off the toilet??? Why did you crawl underneath the stall instead of 1. wiping yourself and 2. unlocking your stall. It wouldn't have taken that long to figure out how to wipe yourself in the dark and how to open a stall. -,- YDI for freaking out in the bathroom.
On very rare ocassions the power will go out at my house. It's not that scary to use the bathroom without any light.
#128 - On 01/30/2010 at 1:36pm by BlueTwist89
how is this an fml??? why would u get off of the toilet seat and crawl under the stall?? was the lock on the stall electronic? what a dumbass
You do know that the toilet-paper works without light ?
And thesame goes for the toilet.
And the door works without electricity too.
Why didnt you just finish your dump, wipe your ass, and flush the toilet ?
How did not having light prevent you from doing at least that ?
#1) This FML sucks; It's not even funny
#2) It's also disgusting. I think you could have left the part out about your diarrhea =\
Is there even a bench inside a public bathroom?
Shoulda wiped the diarea first and then start crawling. hahaha! like an idiot. Why not stand up and walk.
#133 - On 01/30/2010 at 2:30pm by beer01
Did a law pass saying you're not allowed to wipe your ass in the dark? I must've missed that. YDI to the millionth power.
#137 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:05pm by DJ_Chutfield
I'm thinking u cld wipe in the dark...? maybe?...,. maybe not?...
#139 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:07pm by killergummyworm
u couldn't wipe ur ass first? that's dumb as fuck. ur stupid.
#140 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:10pm by karmasunshine
ewwww couldn't you just wipe before that wouldve made it a little bit better :P
#141 - On 01/30/2010 at 3:16pm by HolyShitNuggets
I'm thinking it was one of those public bathrooms where the toilet paper dispenser is outside the stalls. You get some TP and then go use the stall. He was in a big hurry and didn't have time to get any TP because he was about to crap his pants. That would (sorta) explain that part. As for the crawling nonsence - I got nothing.
#143 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:07pm by temptation_a_zz
ok 1st y come out of ur stall with fuck still comin out of ur ass like really........ Dumb-fuck-still-coming-out-of-ur-ass-bitch!!!!!!
#144 - On 01/30/2010 at 4:32pm by foodlover123
yeah ur a dumb ass for not finishing ur business and wiping...
#149 - On 01/30/2010 at 5:25pm by ImaBmyLonurTees
how are you not able to finish taking a crap in the dark? wow. YDI for being a moron.
#156 - On 01/30/2010 at 8:29pm by workathomefiberm
So went the lights went out you had to get up? Why didn't you wipe? What the hell is wrong with you?
#157 - On 01/30/2010 at 8:43pm by stormin972
Plus, even when the lights go out, your eyes will adjust to it eventually. I mean, I'm expecting he doesn't live in a cave somewhere underground. Waiting just overall would have been the best option had he NOT been able to find TP. It's probably fake anyway, and somehow my real stories (and yours, and most everyone's) that are much more interesting to read, can't get through. I'll probably get flamed and moderated for this too, but it is what it is.
#161 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:19pm by tdawgheath
damn ipod, idk if what j said posted, but: how do you trip over a bench while crawling?
#158 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:10pm by rawrfaceee
I have to ask, why were you crawling out of the stall? Why didn't you wipe like a normal person and walk out with your pants up? You don't need light to go to the toilet.
why the fuck didn't u just finish ur business wipe than crawl around in the dark. seems pretty logical to me
#162 - On 01/30/2010 at 9:45pm by un_sexi_lexi
i don't care if this is fake or not, it's fucking hilarious. the mental image i get makes me laugh for like 10 minutes. it is ridiculous, but it's still funny.
#164 - On 01/30/2010 at 10:28pm by chicken_lover
It already seems like people are asking this, but: why didn't you just clean your butt in the stall? This is totally weird. In fact, if there was no t.p. then why would you risk having your genitals touch a public bathroom floor rather than have some diarrhea juice in your undies? In fact, you should have taken off your undies, cleaned your butt with them, pulled up your pants and fastened them and walked out with some semblance of dignity. You FAIL, dude.
you have to be the dumbest fuck that ever lived. finish shit, wipe ass, open stall, walk out, flip light switch: mission accomplished.
#173 - On 01/31/2010 at 1:00am by ilovelucy92
So, either you are a mentally and physically handicapped person with a severe phobia of the dark, toilet paper in the dark, opening cubicle doors in the dark and pulling up your pants in the dark, and managed to trip over a Lego sized bench while crawling around on a disgusting public bathroom floor
or you are just a complete dumbass. Lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.
YDI
Wipe your ass, you don't need light to put some toilet paper up there and wipe. Wipe two or three times depending on how much you think you did, then flush (or flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe). Pull up pants and walk out of bathroom.
#181 - On 01/31/2010 at 4:44am by AmbrosiaFan
lights out woula made it more relaxing to finish your business. just cuz the lights r out you can't feel where the toilet paper is? WTF is that? you're gross
dude the same damn thing happened to me. except i have enough experience in matters such as these to be able to wipe in the dark. damn straight.
i rlly dont think this is real becuase the puplic places like that must have a ln extra generator niggggger
ydi. you dumb ass just because the lights went out doesnt mean you cant wipe your ass pull up your pants and walk out of the stall like a regular person. and i would rather have the lights out if i poop in public so no one can see my face when i leave.
#196 - On 02/01/2010 at 2:21am by missey_jey
That's straight up film material. The guy does something retarded when there's a simple solution. Endless hilarity!
#198 - On 02/01/2010 at 6:08am by Sorrytohearthat
Why didn't you just wipe your ass before making the dangerous trek out of the bathroom?
#199 - On 02/01/2010 at 7:06pm by BrotherTrent
why did you have to crawl out, butt covered in crap? that's your own fault. lol. you could have wiped before you left...that's just nasty. and dude... you did not even have to get on that nasty floor.. the hell is wrong with you? you could have walked and felt your way around in the darkness - not by taking blind steps but by feeling your way in front and on the sides of you with your hands and feet before you take a step! ridiculous...this whooole situation could have been avoided.........
#204 - On 02/03/2010 at 8:16pm by butterflyluv381
