Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43953) - you totally deserved it (1550)
On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Way to know your husband, that sux tho
#1 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:06am by spyderman2190
It's only bad for the kid if the mom herself isn't aware of the kid's existence....
#23 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:41am by allmidnighteyes
..that doesnt make sense. The kid has her own mother. She should feel bad though that her father is a married man who cheated on his wife with her mother and the result was her.
It really sucks for you OP because this is your husband of 14 yrs and all that time he kept this hidden from you! my only guess was in his defense he didnt tell you because he didnt want to admit he cheated and you leave him. still what an ass twice over, for cheating and for not telling. the kid is almost as old as your marriage! Also, how can you not know in 12yrs that he pays child support?
Why? Step mums aren't that big of a deal..
If you weren't in contact with your father you step mum wouldn't matter at all.. She's as good as a stranger.
#51 - On 08/27/2009 at 6:29am by AtoZnumbersand_
She shouldn't feel bad that she's the result of a man cheating on his wife. The father should, and the mom should, if she knew that he was married, but the daughter had no control over the circumstances of her conception and has nothing to feel guilty about.
No, it is bad for the kid. Not so much the stepmom not knowing you exist part, but the fact that your father never intended on taking care of you, never helped pay for you to survive, and probably never bothered visiting you. In her mind, she must often feel that she isn't worth much.
#84 - On 08/27/2009 at 12:09pm by OperationNicole
@50: UM idiot. First off, the child should not feel bad that she exists. The mother of the girl should feel bad only if she knew OP's husband was married. The husband should feel bad for being a lying SOB. He could have been honest with his wife early on in the marriage and told OP, maybe they could have worked it out. The thing I wonder if how OP missed the court date that told OP's bastard husband he had to PAY the child support?
2) OP not only has a cheating husband, but now he owes back payment for child support and will most likely divorce.
3) HE WASN'T PAYING CHILD SUPPORT IDIOT. READ THE FML BETTER. If he had paid the child support he would not have been arrested. God. Read people.
#88 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:24pm by LaceyPatrickson
HEy ass why should the child who had no choice being born feel bad. Do you think she is responsible for the wayward sperm of her father and her (perhaps) whore of a mother? Wow you seem like a great person. Also jerkwad, the father was not paying child support. That is how OP found it out. People like you piss me off to the extreme. Children should not feel bad for something their parents dicks and vaginas did some odd years ago.
#93 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:42pm by LaceyPatrickson
Because obviously he hasn't paid any child support, thus the warrant. Apparently he's just been able to avoid being arrested all this time.
#108 - On 08/27/2009 at 4:33pm by KateIndeed
i think that #50 was a response to #23, so what i think he is try to say that the kid might end up feeling that way, which sucks for the kid, not that the kid SHOULD feel that way.
#114 - On 08/27/2009 at 7:06pm by lisafannypack
I agree with most of what you said but the point is, he DIDN'T pay the support payments. That's probably how she never found out. It may have just caught up with him. This super sucks though.
#88 Wow you take things way too serious. As if you know either one of the people involved in the situation. these are people's opinion so why are stop calling them names for something they feel. I mean really calm down. just breathe laceypatrickson.
#117 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:14pm by Musicismylife92
sucks that you gotta find out NOW that he cheated on you over 12 years ago
#127 - On 08/28/2009 at 2:47am by were_giraffe
Sorry, my brother is a Oops Daddy Double Dipped Baby. People ask him if he feels like it is his fault my parents aren't together.
#137 - On 08/28/2009 at 8:46pm by LaceyPatrickson
It's not her fault her husband is a lying, cheating asshole. You'd be surprised at how deceptive people can be.
Also, F the daughter's life for having that guy for a father.
#142 - On 08/31/2009 at 5:10pm by thesunshotme
Holy shit... well if they make a program about that I'm watching!
Now this is a REAL fml!
#12 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:24am by crazy_cat_lady24
This is gonna be one hell of a divorce....and people can get warrants for missing Child Support payments? My crack-head mom didn't pay my Dad for 18 years! Must be an Oregon thing.
No, it's nation-wide. It's just not well known.
As to the woman this happened to, you're probably not alone XP. I recommend you calm down, then make a decision from there. Personally, I would slash open his nut sack. Then again, I'm 19 and have a bad temper :P.
#14 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:28am by Darth_Taco
Omg pleAse don't slash open his nut sack. I'm a girl and the thought of this made me cringe.
#18 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am by Nicoleismyname
Yeah my deadbeat Mom didn't pay my Dad. He took her to court for about 15 years of back child support and she still hasn't paid it all.
#73 - On 08/27/2009 at 9:50am by 110879
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Its a well known fact only men are responsible for child support payments. if women dump the kid off on the father they dont have to pay a dime
Uhh... What?? Please tell me you're being sarcastic, Sexxi. PLEASE.
#81 - On 08/27/2009 at 12:05pm by perfectwinds
I'm with #18. You need counselling #14.
Sucks to be the wife, kid, and the kid's mom. Although at least she's about to get the money. I don't pity the guy, you reap what you sow. Especially kids.
My jaw dropped reading this one. What a way to find that out. I'm sorry =-(
#16 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:29am by Nicoleismyname
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Truly FML for sure. If you've been married for 14 years and he's (presumably) been paying child support for at least some of that time (unless it took the cops 12 years to arrest him) how didn't you notice? Did he have a secret money stash? I think you would've noticed money kept disappearing from his paycheck (or anywhere else) and asked what was going on. I would be suspicious of that. Don't get how you didn't catch that.
Gee, you're right. That's nuts. I mean there are absolutely no reasons why she wouldn't take note of such things. Such as 1. Trusting her husband. 2. Not inspecting the paystub every week and comparing against the bank deposits. 3. That possibly, he had a boss that DIDN'T call her and update her on all raises and weekly salary amounts. 4. That he lied about how much he made. 5. That no, he actually didn't pay child support. 6. That the child support was a recent ruling for whatever reasons. 7. That he just wasn't honest about how much he made.
You're right. Absolutely no alternatives in such a situation. It's all her fault, not the fault of a man with a giant secret to hide and a life to lose if his secret was found out. Excellent deduction, Watson.
HAHA perfect reply. I definitely agree... now THIS is a FML situation. I don't know what i would do in that situation.... actually i do. I would get every last penny out of his lying, cheating ass. I would take the romantic trip ALONE and enjoy every second of it knowing full well i'll be taking many many more luxurious trips in the future all on my exes dime. Bleed him dry and enjoy the rest of your life with someone more honest!
♥♥♥
Fae
You're assuming she gets to see his check. If he has direct deposit, then only the stubs are available and she may not have access to them.
It's technically up to him whether he shows her his pay stubs
Exactly...they may also have separate bank accounts...or one joint account and then each of them still has one of their own.
#87 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:06pm by Puolukka
Hey #22 way to recap the FML I forgot how retarded I am and can't understand things unless I reread them again the way some ass hole sees fit
#26 - On 08/27/2009 at 3:58am by PaulieeBooMN
That's not how it works. Unless she wants to risk taking more money away from the 12yo daughter. Child support can only equal up to half of a person's paycheck...divided by the number of children they have. Alimony is the way to go on this one. =]
#70 - On 08/27/2009 at 9:33am by graciedacie
Actually, it wouldn't take ANY money away from the first child. She would get less child support than the 1st because the 1st is... well... 1st! When they calculate child support, other ones are calculated into how much they make. So say the dad is paying 300 in child support to Mom A and makes 1300 a month. Well, Mom B would see that income as 1000 a month and gets child support from that while Mom A gets the moolah straight from the 1300.
#78 - On 08/27/2009 at 11:12am by perfectwinds
FYL. you can't possibly derserve that. i hate cheaters. divorce his ass and sue him for everything you can sue him for. take all his money. but not entirely everything leave some for the little girl. she's innocent in this part :[
I so don't agree with all these statements.
Yea I'm sure it majorly sucks if after 14 years of marriage you find out that your husband has a 12-year-old kid. I can't even begin to imagine how much this must hurt.
But this is how it could have happened:
They get married. 2 years later he cheats, it's a one time thing, a horrible mistake that he really regrets, maybe he was drunk or whatever(of course nothing really justifies cheating...BUT)...he stays with his wife, hides the cheating from her, finds out the other woman is pregnant and starts paying child support once the baby is born...the main point is though, after that the OP and her husband have OBVIOUSLY been a rather happily married couple for the next TWELVE years...
So I wouldn't scream "divorce him now"...they might be able to work through it.
#99 - On 08/27/2009 at 2:51pm by Puolukka
I see your point #99 but he hid this for twelve years that means he looked her in the eye for twelve years (unless he just found out about the kid) and lied to her everyday. he vowed to be honest no matter what it is. even if he's really sorry for it, I'm mean he made the mistake so he pays the consequences he's a grown man time to act like one. especially if he loves her. it's always better to tell someone the truth sooner rather than later ( or twelve years later) when now she probably can't even trust him ever again. I mean what if he has other kids out there or has done worst than this. she'll never know when he's lying or being honest because he obviously is a really good liar.
#119 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:35pm by Musicismylife92
Hey #22 thanks for the recap, because I forgot just how retarded I am and that I don't comprehend things that I read unless some ass hole retypes it out in whatever way he sees fit
#29 - On 08/27/2009 at 4:01am by PaulieeBooMN
Are you asking us if he has a daughter? Why the question? Fuck I hate people, just get to the fucking point.
Look at the bright side: you don't have tentacles sprouting from your cooch.
#36 - On 08/27/2009 at 4:27am by cadre
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
YDI for marrying a douche-bag.
#40 - On 08/27/2009 at 4:44am by moonlight_daze
Go for alimony in the divorce. Make him contribute financially to two lives he wrecked.
#41 - On 08/27/2009 at 5:03am by Miso_Soupu
I'm so sorry! My ex-husband cheated on me after twelve years, I can't even imagine how you feel finding this out. Is there any chance it is a name error? Take your time before you make any decisions, nothing has to be done today. Hugs!
#42 - On 08/27/2009 at 5:09am by crazylady78
I interpreted this as 'he doesn't have a 12 year old, I'd know after 14 years. What a case of mistaken identity/police idiocy.'
OKAY FOR ALL THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE ASKING if this is rhetorical or "are you asking us" the question, this is how it went down. They were on a romantic weekend, he either flashed his card or was around someone with access to warrants and got arrested. OP would not have written this instantly because she would have gone down to the station with her mistake identity husband, claiming "i have been married to him for fourteen years, wouldn't I have known about a daughter?" Then they would have showed her his case file. She would be hurt, angry and return home to post this on FML.
#90 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:33pm by LaceyPatrickson
Lol.
I met my father when I was 15 for the first time.. He had been paying child support as well though.
His wife and two sons had no idea.
I don't know why people put up with this- If I found out my husband had a secret child his ass would be out on the street so fast...
#44 - On 08/27/2009 at 5:34am by AtoZnumbersand_
Hey, maybe he didn't have an affair.
Maybe he donated sperm which got used to impregnate a woman thirteen years ago.
Then she sued, and, through some loophole, he became responsible for child support.
I'm kidding, your husband is a sack of shit.
Fuck your life.
#45 - On 08/27/2009 at 5:39am by Intoxicunt
Wow, an actual FML.
The wife got cheated on by a total douchebag, some kid out there has a total douchebag for a dad who wasn't there at all as she grew up, and there's a single mother who has to raise a kid by herself because her douchebag father is a cheating sack of shit (i like that, Intoxicunt). That's three FMLs in one, thanks to some absolute jerkass.
Well, at least now the OP is free from her marriage with a cheating douchebag, and the kid and mother will start getting child payments from him after his arrest.
Actually, FHL. His wife divorced him, he has to pay all the money, and he's an absolute wanker.
#49 - On 08/27/2009 at 6:28am by BritishHobo
#53/54 you need to go to hell. you came from a woman so don't you dare insult them, you piece of shit.
People buried this comment, really?
You guys, I think your funny bone is fractured. You may need a cast for that.
#91 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:39pm by Intoxicunt
well considering that the child's mother was never married to the husband and the OP and cheating jerk were married before the child's conception, the OP is really not the girl's stepmother. i feel bad for the girl and a good person would help financially since there is a child involved regardless of the circumstances. however, the OP is in no way stealing money from anyone, least of all a kid she knew nothing about.
#62 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:36am by jessiebearirene
How can you not know? There are court dates to order the child support. Either you are faking or are very negligent.
#63 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:36am by ObadiahtheSlim
There are, but he might not have gone or said he was at work. They don't really last THAT long. 3 hours tops, usually. If he didn't go he'd still be responsible, especially if the mom sent papers that he neglected to send back, then it's like saying "I agree."
#79 - On 08/27/2009 at 11:16am by perfectwinds
WTF, my dad never paid child support and he was never arrested. Course he also doesn't pay taxes and they haven't arrested him for that either.
I hear ya. My dad has never paid a dime so now he owes me 40,000.
I wish he would so I can go to college.
#66 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:46am by meanie_monday
It depends on what the mother decides to bring to the attention of the court.
#82 - On 08/27/2009 at 12:06pm by OperationNicole
FYL indeed. And people like her soon-to-be-ex-husband can be very adept at hiding things and keeping secrets, even court dates. Perhaps she is a bit oblivious but still, that doesn't mitigate the fact that her husband is a lying, cheating sack of shit. Her only fault is that she trusted him, and I can't blame her too much for that, just hope that she finds someone else worthy of her trust.
I hope you divorce the hell out of him and take all his money for being a cheating scumbag asshole. The bitch he cheated on you with doesn't deserve a dime for being a nasty skank whore.
Don't worry, you'll find someone better than that disgusting douchebag.
#69 - On 08/27/2009 at 9:27am by gummibehrs
I just have to say, that if this story is true (because so many on here are just made up bs) then I feel really bad for the OP.
To those who say how could she not know? Easy. My husband takes care of all the finances, and until recently, I wasn't involved at all. Some couples have one person who is the sole financial caretaker. Its not uncommon! If this was the case with OP, then its very believable that she could be clueless as to child support payments. As for court dates, he could say he had a work meeting or whatever and instead go to court. It sounds like she loved and trusted him, so why would she question anything?
#71 - On 08/27/2009 at 9:45am by all4jjl
He also could have had a separate bank account set up only for child support payments, with the statements and checks going to his work address. Surprisingly, there are many ways something can be hidden if he really didn't want you to know. Sucks though!
#75 - On 08/27/2009 at 11:00am by hi_from_HI
Don't you people realize that this could be a case of mistaken identity. The police are really bad about mixing people up....especially when it has to do with child support. They see a name on a warrant and bam that name pops up, you have that name your going to jail....just put any name in facebook and see how many people have that name....could be bad for you.
Not sure why anyone wants to blame anyone but the husband, given the facts here (How would she know the kid was twelve unless he 'fessed up and told her?), this is truly, madly, deeply, an FYL.
I really hope this is fake. Otherwise, it's the shittiest thing I've ever read. How sad for everyone involved. :(
#86 - On 08/27/2009 at 12:56pm by heatherewf
I don't agree one bit with the most of you. I for one think this is BS. This is either made up or the OP is plain stupid. When you deal with child support you get letters and statements sent out regularly, at least once a month. Whether you pay or not. Their also would have been a court date to set up how the payments will work and how and when they will be made, and how much. Not to mention, if you fail to make payments on your own, after a fashion your wages from work would eventually be garnished (meaning they will take out a portion of your earnings and send it to child support without your consent.) Both my parents payed child support on me and my siblings, but we still got to see our parents regularly, they just didn't have custody because they felt they couldn't raise us properly, our grandparents raised us. The guardian of the child gets statements as well. They all constantly complained about the letters they got and how the DES was stupid..trust me, the OP would know if their husband had a child by another woman.
#89 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:32pm by hallietrue
Hey 89. It's possible that things are run slightly different in other states. Not sure if you are from the same state. We live in PA, but had to deal with the way Maine and Iowa runs things because that's where we were originally from and where my dad was from when the child support things were taken care of. Mom may have gotten letters, but I don't really recall us getting any until I turned 18 and they had to change the child support agreement. It's not hard to hide mail from people. Seeing as she would be considered the step mom, she really doesn't have much say in how everything works out, nor does she technically need to know if the child isn't going to visit. It's really not hard to hide that you have another kid on the side. It depends on how involved the wife is with the household fincances and whether or not she trusts her husband.
OP, darling, have someone grab the back of your neck to pull your head out of your ass. I mean, really, what is this - the 1950's. You mean to tell me that you never reviewed a bank statement, a paystub, anything to see that your beloved husband was sending out sums of money on a monthly basis to a payee unknown to you?
I really hate these women who bury their heads in the sand, avoid any real responsibility in their lives by letting their husbands control everything, and then complain when reality is slapping them in the face. A single glance at the bank statements one month would have raised a question here (that is, a statement during a month where he actually paid his support). WAKE UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
#92 - On 08/27/2009 at 1:40pm by skullbuster
For all you know he could have never paid child support. The mother of his daughter might not have pressed charges or taken him to court, but the state issued a warrant for his arrest. Don't bash the OP and assume she has her head up her ass when you have no background information.
Well we can't just magically figure out what went on. But even if she suspected something was going on and chose to ignore it, having your husband get arrested is one thing, but for another woman and child, when you don't have one (unless she has a son) is sad. She might have wanted children and Douche Bag Husband said, No too much work. Idk, seems like a sucky situation either way you cook it.
#97 - On 08/27/2009 at 2:37pm by LaceyPatrickson
@Ksmindy: Do you hear that, do you, it's your phone ringing - Juan Valdez is calling from his bean plantation in Columbia with a message - Wake up and smell the coffee! You are a woman, aren't you? Because you are suffering from head-up-the-ass syndrome and that mostly afflicts the female population. IT WAS A 12 YEAR OLD KID...if you miss 2-3 payments wages are garnished. If that can't be done due to lack of info, a warrant is issued in most jurisdictions, and the court doesn't let it go for a decade. Certainly not in this day and age. And I really doubt that the baby-mama decided in year 11 of her daughter's life to go after the bum for child support.
#121 - On 08/27/2009 at 10:37pm by skullbuster
FYL, but YDI for not noticing that a certain amount of money went missing every month. Honestly, how could you not notice that once a month a decent amount of money was missing from your savings? It's not like it's easy to hide missing money if someone actually looks into it.
#98 - On 08/27/2009 at 2:40pm by TheTruth1428
Are you not reading anyone's comment? Chances are he probably wasn't making any support payments. Ergo, HIS ARREST. If he was making payments there would not be a warrant out.
He obviously made some payments, they don't let you go for a decade on your support payments. And, frankly, it doesn't seem as if this character was in hiding if they picked him up on a traffic stop!
#122 - On 08/27/2009 at 10:41pm by skullbuster
I really hope this is fake. Otherwise, it's the shittiest thing I've ever read. How sad for everyone involved. :(
#100 - On 08/27/2009 at 2:53pm by heatherewf
that's fucked. cheating on you a year into the marriage and hiding it for 13 years?
that's disgusting.
#112 - On 08/27/2009 at 6:33pm by mo_the_owl
I don't know you obviously but I do know that you deserve to be treated better than this. Your husband should have told you the truth instead of being selfish, cheated, had a baby and kept it secret from you. What an ass!
yea really sorry op no one deserves this, hope you find better or if your a very forgiving person hope you two work it out well.
#120 - On 08/27/2009 at 8:55pm by Musicismylife92
How do you pay child support when you have not even been married to the one who filed child support against you? Someone explain? Thx
#123 - On 08/28/2009 at 12:23am by Ucla_cupcake
Because it's still your child, whether you were married to them or not.
#125 - On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am by DameGreyWulf
Because that doesn't matter, what matters is that his sperm created said daughter and he's financially responsible. The way it USUALLY goes in cases like this is he sends it to the government which in turn sends the check to the mom.
#126 - On 08/28/2009 at 12:42am by perfectwinds
Holy hell......That's some bullsh** drama right there.
#128 - On 08/28/2009 at 3:11am by YamahaMama09
sorrry I'm sure everyone noticed how I said the same thing twice in different words and it wasn't a reply, just to clear things up my phone doesn't let me reply directly to comments, and my 1st comment I didn't think go through so I commented again, sorry I rearranged the words a little
#130 - On 08/28/2009 at 3:23am by PaulieeBooMN
I was reading the comments here and I couldn't just stay out of it. I had to make an account just to tell almost every last one of you to get your OWN heads out of your asses and realize that mistakes can be made! I saw one comment that sadly got hugely ignored, posing the very real possibility that he regrets the cheating from 12-13 years beforehand and could never get the guts to confess. You're all way to quick to jump on the "KILL HIM DIVORCE HIM END HIM" bandwagon and fail to realize that one incident, even if it can't be justified (which, of course, it can't) doesn't make him a terrible, horrible human being deserving of castration.
MISTAKES CAN BE MADE. It's part of being human.
You make it sound like he's no better than a crazed murderer or serial rapist. Jeez, people, learn to be less hateful. You'll like yourselves more for it.
Interesting how everybody tries to justify being unfaithful to your spouse - you know, the one you vowed to love, honor, and be true to for life. Keeping infidelity a secret for twelve years is not a "little mistake" that the wife can just "get over."
Did I say it was justified? No, I specifically stated in my post that it cannot be justified.
What also cannot be justified are these comparisons to Hitler I'm seeing. No, nobody's actually calling him a Nazi, but I think I've heard NICER things about Hitler than about this guy who cheated once.
Nobody's giving a damn about his side of the story. Nobody's even CONSIDERED it. They heard the woman's side, and side with the woman. Excuse me for remembering that the husband has a side of the story too and thinking maybe, just maybe, he isn't all bad.
Yes!!! so true... i totally agree with you. he probably just couldnt get the guts together to admit his mistake, and lef the problem to fester and get worse. so true!!! nobodys perfect, and yes this is fucked up but its not the worst thing you could do by far!
holy crap! if the kid is younger than 14 then you have an even bigger problem!
#135 - On 08/28/2009 at 6:24pm by II_OJs_glove_II
My father hasn't payed child support for me for 7 years, and we've never managed to get him arrested.
