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ztdawesome

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ztdawesome
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 90
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ztdawesome's FML badges

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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ztdawesome's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed that my new colleague never laughs. Instead she says, "LOL". I have to work with her every day. FML

#20884887
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (2488)

On 09/17/2013 at 4:26am - work - by Jienaf (man) - Malta

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

#20831181
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46180) - you deserved it (3347)

On 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you deserved it (6140)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6911) - you deserved it (31041)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32701) - you deserved it (5095)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19614) - you deserved it (11073)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

#17004693
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47278) - you deserved it (5191)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

#16126147
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57571) - you deserved it (4486)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

#15164938
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25910) - you deserved it (11409)

On 03/01/2011 at 5:21pm - animals - by nothingisreal69 (woman) - Reserved

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

#12542029
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (4273)

On 08/15/2010 at 4:20pm - money - by noespresso (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I mailed out all my Christmas cards. As I was relaxing and being impressed with myself for being so organized this year, I saw the stack of Christmas cards on the coffee table. Everyone will be receiving an empty envelope for Christmas this year. FML

#6680637
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7948) - you deserved it (31328)

On 12/09/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by ChristmasCardDork (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

#6532401
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31461) - you deserved it (2458)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

#6438315
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39563) - you deserved it (2121)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by DayamyWuzHere (woman) - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8870) - you deserved it (33204)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14343) - you deserved it (5408)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)



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