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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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zoolander423

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zoolander423
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1034
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zoolander423's favorite FMLs

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (50093) - you deserved it (2877)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

#4440172 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (39427) - you deserved it (5419)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

#4308181 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (59844)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (47712) - you deserved it (20012)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

#3956685 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (37009) - you deserved it (3735)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by PokeTheBear (man) - Canada

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

#3687656 (372)

I agree, your life sucks (37622) - you deserved it (16103)

On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (42499) - you deserved it (1399)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201 (402)

I agree, your life sucks (93892) - you deserved it (4313)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

#3055426 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (67615)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

#3051580 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (46528) - you deserved it (2104)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (7674) - you deserved it (43074)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

#3030718 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (35974) - you deserved it (4293)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311 (408)

I agree, your life sucks (49155) - you deserved it (7835)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (84984) - you deserved it (2928)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (9764) - you deserved it (37411)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)