This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50243) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18149) - you deserved it (85429)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm - intimacy - by insideout (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45726) - you deserved it (9247)
On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83326) - you deserved it (23674)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60264) - you deserved it (17621)
On 03/21/2009 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by AGluckily (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23549) - you deserved it (85313)
On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19664) - you deserved it (31721)
On 02/26/2009 at 9:13am - work - by Kasizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (54164) - you deserved it (5261)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at a bar in Canada and was really hitting it off with a girl. She asked how big my junk was and I told her in inches... They use centimeters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17479) - you deserved it (33192)
On 01/29/2009 at 10:32am - intimacy - by KD - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41186) - you deserved it (5329)
On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12392) - you deserved it (54104)
On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States
Today, I didn't answer my cell phone. My Mom freaked out when she could not get in touch. She called the police and I did not hear the doorbell because I was sleeping. The police broke my door down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17293) - you deserved it (1316)
On 01/26/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by Mudfence - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60858) - you deserved it (2826)
On 12/05/2008 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Mak1 - Belgium (Brabant)
Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (74773) - you deserved it (30753)
On 10/13/2008 at 4:19am - love - by mocass’1 (woman) - France
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
