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Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23285) - you totally deserved it (2349)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, my daughter learned how to write her name correctly for the first time. Only thing is, she decided to practise writing it all over my body with a sharpie while I was sleeping. Works starts in 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19598) - you totally deserved it (2416)
On 10/02/2009 at 9:39am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27794) - you totally deserved it (9883)
On 09/28/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by jentown11 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you totally deserved it (2278)
On 09/27/2009 at 8:17am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30252) - you totally deserved it (2249)
On 09/18/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37553) - you totally deserved it (1652)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. It ran me off the road, I took out a fence and totaled my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded.."my tom-tom told me to turn left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34471) - you totally deserved it (931)
On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29176) - you totally deserved it (2569)
On 08/19/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by burned_away - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34349) - you totally deserved it (8921)
On 08/19/2009 at 11:03am - love - by MariadelMar (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you totally deserved it (6163)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43406) - you totally deserved it (3050)
On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37575) - you totally deserved it (6817)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32515) - you totally deserved it (4047) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33508) - you totally deserved it (9264) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20692) - you totally deserved it (7465) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by poop_mcqueen (woman) - United States
