Search for a member

Offline (yesterday at 5:00pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5581
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 25 posted

About zoegirl_455 : Runner and reader

Apparently my life isn't f'ed enough for FML.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Message me!

zoegirl_455's page activity

Visits<b>Stxsyh</b> - the 10/24/2016 at 2:49am<b>raven83</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 2:12pm<b>itssnotfunny</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 6:57pm<b>jerry08157</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 9:53am<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 7:46am<b>kusje</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 1:10am<b>TheOtherClark</b> - the 07/08/2016 at 9:24am<b>freddygasman</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:56am<b>imabassist</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 9:41pm<b>pepper200</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:28am<b>roman11</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 6:35am<b>rhiley</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 5:57am<b>youdontsay123456</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 5:52pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 12:11am<b>psychedelic42</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 8:27pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 4:39am<b>wassup388</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 8:41am<b>Leo619</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 6:12pm

Fucked!<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 1:46pm<b>rhiley</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 11:57am<b>quietninja</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 8:39pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 10:39am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 9:51am<b>cdncw</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:18pm<b>Robby4800</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 11:49pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 12:43am

zoegirl_455's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of zoegirl_455's badges

zoegirl_455's favorite FMLs

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML

by allykat / 12/02/2014 at 7:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

by mainlineloser / 11/28/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 10:47am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

by notsofriendly / 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

by Dezzy / 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

by anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Kids