About zingline89 : Real estate investor and salesman. If you think something I said was stupid, you most likely failed to sense the sarcasm. Either that or I just said something really stupid.
zingline89's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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zingline89's favorite FMLs
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
by FlyingFist / 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by VedaLynn / 12/03/2012 at 6:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, the battery cables on my car came loose, thus resetting my car's electronics to factory settings. The anti-theft system is now turned on, and I can't start my car with it on. Luckily, it turns off with a remote. The remote broke about six months ago. FML
by pdin222 / 11/29/2012 at 9:45am / United States / Transportation
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
by williebees / 11/28/2012 at 12:43pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML
by ohgodwhy / 11/27/2012 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
by kay51 / 11/24/2012 at 1:41pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work
by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek
by Anonymous / 11/21/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by RayneSong / 11/20/2012 at 6:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by they've been broken up for a year. / 11/19/2012 at 2:13am / United States (Texas) / Love
by NOIDIDNOT / 11/19/2012 at 1:21am / United States (Arizona) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought… Today, I woke up to find a blueberry sitting in my bathroom sink. This incident would normally be…