About zingline89 : Real estate investor and salesman. If you think something I said was stupid, you most likely failed to sense the sarcasm. Either that or I just said something really stupid.
zingline89's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
zingline89's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
by nean83 / 01/12/2013 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML
by wowthanks / 01/11/2013 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML
by Dkim620 / 01/06/2013 at 10:16pm / United States / Love
by Twiggysucks68 / 01/06/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML
by HatedGrandson / 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/22/2012 at 1:31am / Transportation
Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML
by I Like My Cat / 12/21/2012 at 5:02am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Animals
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
by joyness / 12/20/2012 at 9:49am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
- Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating… Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get… Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven…