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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 14 March 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16330
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

About zidane312 : I go to school in Georgia and love playing XBox and working out. I keep it real

zidane312's page activity

Visits<b>chrisfromCanada</b> - the 10/17/2016 at 11:37pm<b>CAC_Boomerang</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 10:41am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 8:56pm<b>Justkidding100</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 12:22am<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 10:36am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 5:16pm<b>arich6210</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 12:17pm<b>DrafteeSelf</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 4:24pm<b>completenonsense</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 10:46pm<b>real_doc_phil</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 9:08am<b>thatguy1531</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 11:43pm<b>castawaycxlum</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 6:41pm<b>FigureSkater7713</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 8:46pm<b>lightningclicks</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 1:30am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 11:31pm<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 6:22am<b>am1717</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 11:04pm<b>Miss_Motionless</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 12:07am

Fucked!<b>completenonsense</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 4:46am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 1:08am<b>winterforever97</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 10:31am<b>fiftycarrots</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:16am<b>XxNekoLovexX</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:17pm

zidane312's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

zidane312's favorite FMLs

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

by APetsPet / 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

by GabsAlot829 / 07/21/2009 at 6:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 8:11am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

by unluckycounsellor / 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

by CastAway / 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

by soooyeah / 04/30/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

by woopwoop / 04/17/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

by StevieMe / 04/08/2009 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

by myennechee / 03/18/2009 at 1:22am / Germany (Hamburg) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy