[fr]
[it]
[es2]
[tr]
[de]
[ru]
[se]

Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?
Email notification?

zidane312

Search for a member

zidane312
  • Town/Country : Milledgeville, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 13 March 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 14806
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 15 posted

About zidane312 : I go to school in Georgia and love playing XBox and working out. I keep it real
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1120860079&ref=profile

zidane312's last visitors

redrovaaI_love_edward3Sun_Kissed18

zidane312's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

zidane312's favorite FMLs

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (38502) - you deserved it (2780)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

#5645915 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (14723) - you deserved it (33280)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

#3935872 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (47930) - you deserved it (2193)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:17pm - kids - by GabsAlot829 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (35605) - you deserved it (1980)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (55201) - you deserved it (3434)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

#3375297 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (46787) - you deserved it (2887)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm - kids - by unluckycounsellor (woman) - Bermuda (Hamilton)

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (35123) - you deserved it (9458)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

#1485215 (493)

I agree, your life sucks (81569) - you deserved it (11214)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

#1068515 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (7161)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by woopwoop (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

#869023 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (12140) - you deserved it (67764)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

#432766 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (32249) - you deserved it (68350)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:22am - intimacy - by myennechee (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363057) - you deserved it (401407)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)