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Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echod through the meditation chamber . If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros . FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking . Later on at work, I idly pulld the pen out during a meeting . My colleague lookd at me, horrifid . The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazond on it . I'm a man .
Today, bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, an grounded me. All thishile brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity.
Today, I discovered thathen you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that yur son called the cable company and had yur plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML
Today.. . I got mah results on a recent.. . important midterm . During the exam.. . I'd noticed mah instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet.. . so bieng honest.. . I didn't look at them . It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass . I failed . FML
Today , I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing , an later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out , an thinking I was in trouble , broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML
yesterday I uploaded the first chapter of mah best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story cuz of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
Today.. . the guy I like asked me out 4 the frst time . It's a good thing he did it over Facebook.. . cuz I started shaking an almost threw up . I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week . FML
Today, I was giving mah guy a blowjob. When he blurtd out, "Oh Jesus" I assumd I was doing a good job. I lookd up to see the expression on his face an noticd a look of terror. He looool was staring at mah growling cat, two second away from clawing his face off. big fat FML
Today at work I got in an elevator to go upstars. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later an people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out an forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator an waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML
Friday 27 March 2015