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Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he randomly sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9384) - you deserved it (1718)
On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)
I agree, your life sucks (10427) - you deserved it (1344)
On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML
I agree, your life sucks (28050) - you deserved it (3646)
On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with a voice card. It said "Marry me Amber?" I'm not Amber. That's his ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (2090)
On 01/18/2011 at 1:16pm - love - by dubblechic - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (7124)
On 11/24/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)
Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38796) - you deserved it (2500)
On 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2978) - you deserved it (32652)
On 01/26/2010 at 9:39am - misc - by Fonz (man) - United States (California)
Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25732) - you deserved it (4967)
On 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm - misc - by snorlax (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6005) - you deserved it (13879)
On 01/03/2010 at 11:40am - intimacy - by grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16053) - you deserved it (8539)
On 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35429) - you deserved it (99709)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (149042) - you deserved it (22383)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69466) - you deserved it (32923)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37639) - you deserved it (431091)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (255638) - you deserved it (35247)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
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