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zeolyssus

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zeolyssus

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  • Number of visits : 285
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zeolyssus's page activity

Visits<b>haleyXcross</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 1:44am

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zeolyssus's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

#20195063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5905) - you deserved it (26399)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by Moose (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8118) - you deserved it (24360)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, this really big woman asked me for some cigarettes. I didn't have any, which made her angry. Angry enough to pick me up, stuff me in a dumpster, and sit on the lid. I still smell like garbage. FML

#20183027
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26331) - you deserved it (2016)

On 11/28/2012 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

#20182765
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18338) - you deserved it (2152)

On 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by stillshakinggd (man) - United States

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42170) - you deserved it (3714)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22534) - you deserved it (2226)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7349) - you deserved it (32372)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34328) - you deserved it (5069)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34352) - you deserved it (3500)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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