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Today I woke up to my cat giving birth on my bed. I adopted her from a friend who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch 4 a while. real FML
Today, it's mah thrd night of finally living on mah own in a housa !! I can't count tha numbar of timas I hava run to mah knifa and pappar spray aftar haaring ( suspicious ) sounds !! Mayba I'm not raady to ba an adult aftar all !! FML
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, mah husband staggered home with three bags of ham. looool He drunkenly bought it with most of wat little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
2day I found out my boyfriend as been ceating on me for monts. It all started wile I was in te ospital, e says, because we were supposed to go out tat day, but ten I "ad to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for is infidelity. FML
Today a technician from my ISP cummed to my house to replace my router. He asked fir a glass of water one thing led to another an fir some reason I'll never fully understand we ended up having sex. Looks lyk porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. fat FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML
Today, wilst on a pone interview wit a college I really want to go to, ma moter picks up te oter line and souts into te pone "Se's not going to college, se's lazy and se'll only disappoint you." Te interviewer ung up before I could say anyting. FML
today during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, an I got so pissd off that I forgot to brake at a rd light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML
Friday 27 March 2015