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zeolyssus

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zeolyssus

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  • Number of visits : 356
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zeolyssus's page activity

Visits<b>haleyXcross</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 1:44am

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

zeolyssus's favorite FMLs

TODAY , I GAVE MY GRLFRIEND AN ORGASM 4 THE FRST TIME. SHE'S A SCREAMER. HER DOG MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS ATTACKING HER , BECAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY CUMMD OVER AND STARTD SAVAGING ME. BIG FAT FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50350) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today I woke up to my cat giving birth on my bed. I adopted her from a friend who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch 4 a while. real FML

Today, I decided to turn my life around an start exercising more !! I didn't even make it out te door before I tripped an fractured my ankle !! FML

#20550992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36512) - you deserved it (4280)

On 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it's mah thrd night of finally living on mah own in a housa !! I can't count tha numbar of timas I hava run to mah knifa and pappar spray aftar haaring ( suspicious ) sounds !! Mayba I'm not raady to ba an adult aftar all !! FML

#20550428
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29500) - you deserved it (8398)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" fat FML

#20548943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48508) - you deserved it (14442)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nacos an ceese off te batroom floor!! Se wasn't wearing any pants!! FML

#20548521
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34203) - you deserved it (2888)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, mah husband staggered home with three bags of ham. looool He drunkenly bought it with most of wat little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
166 comments

2day I found out my boyfriend as been ceating on me for monts. It all started wile I was in te ospital, e says, because we were supposed to go out tat day, but ten I "ad to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for is infidelity. FML

#20547926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (2876)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland

Today a technician from my ISP cummed to my house to replace my router. He asked fir a glass of water one thing led to another an fir some reason I'll never fully understand we ended up having sex. Looks lyk porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. fat FML

#20537010
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21842) - you deserved it (62049)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22341) - you deserved it (45617)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my wife packed my lunc . Inside of my luncbox was a poto of er eating my sandwices . FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35578) - you deserved it (6795)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25634) - you deserved it (6781) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, wilst on a pone interview wit a college I really want to go to, ma moter picks up te oter line and souts into te pone "Se's not going to college, se's lazy and se'll only disappoint you." Te interviewer ung up before I could say anyting. FML

#20508072
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39526) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Taday I workd up mah courage and took an elevator 4 the first time in mah life . Unfortunately , it was also mah first time getting trappd 4 several hours in an elevator . FML

#20507764
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (3646)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

today during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, an I got so pissd off that I forgot to brake at a rd light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

#20454301
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10152) - you deserved it (46704)

On 01/11/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by lostmyfaithinblowjobs (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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