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zelious

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zelious

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  • Number of visits : 321
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>CANADIANROBBERS</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 9:25am<b>MasqueradePrince</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 10:20pm

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zelious's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55820) - you deserved it (23250)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49545) - you deserved it (3172)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39737) - you deserved it (2957)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39520) - you deserved it (6677)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40123) - you deserved it (6615)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

#20864858
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (5459)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm - work - by laughing-stock - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30727) - you deserved it (8310)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (4831)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41956) - you deserved it (5562)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35667) - you deserved it (11870)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47287) - you deserved it (3835)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

#20830424
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46548) - you deserved it (10854)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:48am - love - by fml (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43942) - you deserved it (13909)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57681) - you deserved it (4394)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States



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