Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

zelious

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

zelious

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 202
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

zelious's page activity

Visits<b>MasqueradePrince</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 10:20pm

zelious's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of zelious's badges

zelious's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

#20875790
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (6150)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by Grand Slam (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47401) - you deserved it (4070)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

#20875582
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17040) - you deserved it (85970)

On 09/10/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

#20875531
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38165) - you deserved it (5650)

On 09/10/2013 at 7:36am - animals - by Evil_Angel_90 (woman) - Australia

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55657) - you deserved it (23195)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49445) - you deserved it (3164)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38935) - you deserved it (2891)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39050) - you deserved it (6630)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39453) - you deserved it (6532)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

#20864858
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33113) - you deserved it (5365)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm - work - by laughing-stock - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30649) - you deserved it (8294)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48103) - you deserved it (4825)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (5548)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35606) - you deserved it (11849)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: