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zelious

Offline (the 10/16/2015 at 10:35am) | Search for a member

zelious

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1116
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zelious's page activity

Visits<b>CANADIANROBBERS</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 9:25am<b>MasqueradePrince</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 10:20pm

zelious's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of zelious's badges

zelious's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43465) - you deserved it (8180)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

#21240784
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40572) - you deserved it (8668)

On 08/19/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by morgie96 - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33888) - you deserved it (15403)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47918) - you deserved it (10561) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

#21239720
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44820) - you deserved it (6513)

On 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by ugh thanks - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46731) - you deserved it (29805)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27825) - you deserved it (34814)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43959) - you deserved it (4809)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49760) - you deserved it (4202)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53892) - you deserved it (5755)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65420) - you deserved it (8417)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62829) - you deserved it (13373)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)



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