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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Today,hile I thought I'd never had an orgasm, doctor informd me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, looool slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. mega FML
2day my friand hrad a mala strippar to giva ma a lap danca fir my brthday. It was all pratty nica until ha lat rip ona of tha most nausaating farts I'va avar ancountarad, right in my faca. Hours latar, I can still small it. FML
Today , while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. looool With a sudden burst of confidence , I walked right up to him , intending to ask 4 his number. Instead , I looked him in the eye and said , "Excuse me sir , how much do u know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML
Taday I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact and being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work I managd to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clappd. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, an he was taking a shower . I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom . I couldn't wait 4 him to finish, looool an endd having to shit in a plastic bag . FML
Today, ma boyfriend and I ad sex. After aile, e started staring at ma lady parts, and said ma "vag looks like a mockingjay". He looool ten stretced te lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
Today I've ad my tent ( Cristmas ) dinner since Cristmas last took place . My mum as gone nuts and keeps playing Cristmas music making tese dinners and refusing to let me take down te Cristmas decorations . My dad is too wipped to save us from tis ell . FML
Friday 27 March 2015