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zeb82005

Offline (the 12/14/2014 at 2:20am) | Search for a member

zeb82005

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 26 December 1993 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1836
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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zeb82005's FML badges

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zeb82005's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52179) - you deserved it (14609)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

#21118282
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35795) - you deserved it (4677)

On 04/20/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - Slovenia (Domzale Commune)

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

#21118067
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39122) - you deserved it (4401)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm - misc - by Not-pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41611) - you deserved it (6672)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52098) - you deserved it (4710)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

#21110266
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40350) - you deserved it (2984)

On 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm - misc - by Cuntlette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (41814)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42844) - you deserved it (6251)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (3117)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43550) - you deserved it (6510)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30297) - you deserved it (16201)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52014) - you deserved it (6555)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40015) - you deserved it (11095)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43758) - you deserved it (4689)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)



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