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zeb82005's favorite FMLs
by embarrassed girl / 06/07/2014 at 1:40am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML
by unashamed / 06/05/2014 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
by wendtinmypants / 05/31/2014 at 11:05am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML
by julie24 / 05/29/2014 at 10:30pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
by needanotherbed / 05/28/2014 at 10:21am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML
by HouseWife / 05/20/2014 at 10:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML
by gassymomma / 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Amy (grossed out) / 04/27/2014 at 9:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
by stickyservice / 04/25/2014 at 9:21pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Work
Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML
by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by sexual parrot / 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for… Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he… Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls…