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zeb82005

Offline (the 07/02/2015 at 6:03am) | Search for a member

zeb82005

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 26 December 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1986
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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zeb82005's favorite FMLs

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (3688)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

#21417945
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23105) - you deserved it (2363)

On 05/30/2015 at 6:59am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

#21410586
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21681) - you deserved it (10489)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:26pm - health - by hedayk - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29230) - you deserved it (12194)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44) - you deserved it (178)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

#21321028
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (3181)

On 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

#21320583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29572) - you deserved it (2060)

On 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by cantunhear - United States (New York)

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30008) - you deserved it (5735)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

#21312925
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30898) - you deserved it (6306)

On 12/07/2014 at 1:15am - misc - by Gassy and sassy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37119) - you deserved it (3519)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33004) - you deserved it (4245)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

#21308349
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30013) - you deserved it (2729)

On 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

#21308108
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29066) - you deserved it (5895)

On 11/29/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by come on man (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

#21307515
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32792) - you deserved it (7134)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm - work - by I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom



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