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zeb82005's favorite FMLs
by Anonymouse / 11/06/2015 at 9:03pm / Health
Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML
by bubblewrap / 10/20/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML
by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Love
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 6:59am / United Kingdom / Health
by hedayk / 05/15/2015 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Health
by 420curse / 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
by UncleMonkey / 03/06/2015 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by cantunhear / 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) / 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML
by Heyjai / 12/16/2014 at 9:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML
by Gassy and sassy / 12/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
- Today, my boss, who is also my brother-in-law laid me off. Why? Because it bothers him that he sees… Today, I backed out of prom, i never really wanted to go in the first place but I said yes because… Today, I misread an ID and sold alcohol to an underage operative from the department of alcohol and…
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…