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Offline (the 11/15/2015 at 6:41am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 26 December 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3038
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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zeb82005's page activity

Visits<b>thomas5915</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 10:02am<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 4:33pm

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zeb82005's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

by Anonymouse / 11/06/2015 at 9:03pm / Health

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

by bubblewrap / 10/20/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 6:59am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

by hedayk / 05/15/2015 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

by 420curse / 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

by UncleMonkey / 03/06/2015 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

by cantunhear / 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) / 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

by Heyjai / 12/16/2014 at 9:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

by Gassy and sassy / 12/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation