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zamdaman's favorite FMLs
by thenegatives / 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood / 12/09/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
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- Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while… Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a… Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my…