zafuckbat

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zafuckbat

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 July 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 630
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About zafuckbat : don't fall asleep or we'll mutilate your genitals

zafuckbat's page activity

Visits<b>BonerFart</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 2:32pm<b>Fizzie10123</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 10:23pm<b>risacat</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:11pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 3:03pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:07pm<b>missile</b> - the 02/22/2011 at 2:10pm

zafuckbat's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

zafuckbat's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

by freakfreak12345 / 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Maine) / Animals

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

by howler / 02/15/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

by a fatty / 02/15/2011 at 1:25am / Miscellaneous

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

by NotAsToughAsHeThinks / 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Montana) / Health

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

by soooyeah / 04/30/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

by hahahehehohohoo / 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy