About zafuckbat : don't fall asleep or we'll mutilate your genitals
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (49810)
On 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm - misc - by freakfreak12345 - United States (Maine)
Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7558) - you deserved it (45292)
On 02/15/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by howler (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7104) - you deserved it (23712)
On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10349) - you deserved it (36054)
On 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by NotAsToughAsHeThinks (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35302) - you deserved it (3382)
On 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75284) - you deserved it (35502)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88984) - you deserved it (14372)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46778) - you deserved it (127892)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53337) - you deserved it (585864)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (223052) - you deserved it (37846)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (527537) - you deserved it (37907)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
