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Today, bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, an grounded me. All thishile brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity.
today I met mah new class . There are two Kevin Smiths . Niether will agree to a nickname , they have the same hair color , an there middle names both start with J . They have told me to call them Kevin 1 an Kevin 2 . They both want to be Kevin 1 . FML
Today, I went shopping with mah two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store cuz I would not show him mah ( boobies ). A man cummed up to us and said I should do what mah nephew wanted. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage . Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis . She won't stop asking about the ( hotdog ) in the picture . FML
TODAY, MAH LITTLE SISTER CHASD ME AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A MALLET, GIGGLING LIKE A MANIAC. I ENDD UP HAVING TO PIN HER TO THE GROUND, RIP THE MALLET OUT OF HER HAND AN LOCK HER IN THE BATHROOM. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME. MY MOM STILL INSISTS IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. FML
Today son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist . He broke a whole stack of plates overflowed the bathtub let the dog loose and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down . My son is 17 . FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time . Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money . FML
Today , during frst day as a medical intern in a new ward , I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream , "Who are you?! You don't even work here , you pervert!" FML
yesterday mah dad and his new wife got there wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML
Today... I was moving into my new looool apartment. Te previous owner ad refusd to move out until today... anden I got tere... I realizd I didn't ave a key. I was about to call imen I found out I didn't ned to; e took te door. big fat FML
Today, My Sister's Boyfriend Called While She Was Out . The Second I Answered He Tried To Have Phone Sex With Me . When I Explained To Him That I Wasn't My Sister And That We Just Sound The Same On The Phone, He Replied, "Don't Care, Let's Keep Going." FML
Friday 27 March 2015