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zachsipes's favorite FMLs
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
by um... maybe / 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML
by kenleybunch / 03/12/2013 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML
by Sir_ND_Pity / 03/11/2013 at 3:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 10:03am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 3:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML
by depressed / 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by Will this stupid fad ever end? / 03/06/2013 at 6:51am / United States / Work
by anony / 02/27/2013 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
by soaked / 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by why the fuck would you do that / 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…