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zachsipes's favorite FMLs
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
by spooked / 11/22/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by gonnafail / 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by jack s.b. / 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by emirie / 11/14/2013 at 4:33pm / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Kids
by notsogood / 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm / United States / Intimacy
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
by KittyKat / 11/03/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health
Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
by goodgrief / 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm / Zimbabwe / Health
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML
by PIGaming / 10/28/2013 at 1:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
- Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as… Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in… Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then…
- Today, whilst on a bus, I was groped multiple times by a guy (who I honestly believed was a friend)… Today, after several attempts to fall asleep, right as I managed to fully relax, my mother came in… Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the…