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zachsipes's favorite FMLs
by Username / 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm / United States / Love
by Ignored / 07/13/2011 at 2:47am / United States (Texas) / Geek
by Mary / 07/10/2011 at 8:49am / United States / Love
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by alaskan1989 / 01/21/2011 at 8:27pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/31/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML
by Sara1990 / 08/23/2010 at 7:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML
by queen / 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm / Brazil (Minas Gerais) / Intimacy
by flying_vegan / 12/06/2009 at 8:24am / United Kingdom / Transportation
by damnit / 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle,… Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God… Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend,…