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zachsipes's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
by quirrus / 05/07/2012 at 5:42am / United States / Intimacy
by CALIdime_15 / 05/05/2012 at 1:42am / United States / Intimacy
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
by S12Sophia / 05/02/2012 at 6:06pm / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 12:44am / United States / Love
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
by gottalovefriends / 04/23/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ari / 03/19/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Intimacy
by liver / 03/18/2012 at 8:51pm / United States (California) / Money
by cachucy / 03/18/2012 at 11:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by vanorav / 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
- Today, I have a swollen jaw and swollen tonsils. I have a stuffed runny nose and a dry cough. A few… Today, for the second time this week, my alarm that wakes me up from my midday nap decided to not… Today, I met my host family for study abroad. I meant to tell them that I've always wanted a sister…