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zachsipes's favorite FMLs
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
by frozenpoo / 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm / United States / Kids
by BDSM4Jesus / 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by WickedLittleDoll / 12/01/2014 at 11:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by pooplife / 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/25/2014 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 11/24/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by stupid / 11/24/2014 at 2:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
by ohwell / 11/24/2014 at 8:44am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML
by justinmdent / 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm / United States / Kids
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
by 404: fuck not given / 11/23/2014 at 11:34am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 7:52am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by liishax3 / 11/22/2014 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Animals
by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…