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Today, I realized that the drunk-me delete my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad . Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to loose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine . FML
Today, I ad to take a dump . Wile looking for a book to read, I sneezd . Te force of te sneeze causd me to sit my pants . Te glob of dung ten ran down my leg before falling out of my sort onto my carpet, all in less tan 5 seconds . Noting in my life as prepard me for tis . FML
Today, dad took a callhile driving. He always yells and curses at peopleho talk on thier cellhile driving. I askd him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's bieng a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continud talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML
Today , I Was Walking With My Grlfriend When A Little Guy Walkd Up An Flrtd With Her!! I'm A Pretty Weak Guy An He Lookd Weaker , So I Gave Him A Little Push An Said ( Back Off )!! He's Actually Not Weak At All!! I've Got A Black Eye An A Grlfriend Who Won't Stop Laughing To Prove It!! FML
Today I noticed that mah very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with mah boyfriend recently an questioned him telling him ( You don't have to use so much to wash yur face. That's a $70 bottle. ) To which he responded ( Oh that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah I use that on mah junk. ) FML
2day I made a bowl of spaghetti fir my grlfriend and me. I trid the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and grl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I trid it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I endd up throwing it up on her. FML
TODAY , I WAS AT MCDONALD'S AND I WAS GOING THROUGH THE DRIVE-THRU. AS I WAS DRIVING AWAY , I CHECKD MAH FOOD AND THE LADY HAD GIVEN ME A NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM HAPPY MEAL TOY BY MISTAKE. I GOT SO EXCITD THAT I CRASHD THE CAR INTO A POLE. I'M 36. FML
2day while laying out , I kept feeling something misty , like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming , I looked up , only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house , and the heavy breeze was turning there piss into a refreshing mist 4 me. FML
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
Today, I was feeling up mah grlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said ( What r u doing? ) I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, ( Thats not mah nipple, its a pimple. ) I felt up a pimple. mega FML
2day After Driving A Few Hours Late At Night I Decided To Entertain The Car Tailgating Me By Not Letting Him Pass. After Doing This 4 3miles, Reaching 93MPH, I Decided To Let The Car Pass Me. When I Switched Lanes, The Car Tailgating Me Light Up In Red And Blue. It Was A Cop. FML
Friday 27 March 2015