About yuzuhere : Just a lurking panda here, carry on.
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yuzuhere's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML
by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
by someone / 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous
Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML
by richard / 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
by Burning Love / 03/15/2014 at 3:35am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML
by why / 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by CurtisWogan / 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by ashamed father / 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML
by rolypoly / 03/05/2014 at 7:33am / United Kingdom / Health
by kenzamee / 03/04/2014 at 9:39am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML
by kitty91 / 03/02/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/27/2014 at 9:34am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous