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yumyumpoptart

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yumyumpoptart
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 890
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About yumyumpoptart :

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yumyumpoptart's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44294) - you deserved it (4579)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43104) - you deserved it (6976)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54959) - you deserved it (22586)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

#20894007
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39533) - you deserved it (2554)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:14am - work - by DimeShapedBruise (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (15975)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16437) - you deserved it (83313)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41965) - you deserved it (7407)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48715) - you deserved it (17337)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36372) - you deserved it (5901)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51686) - you deserved it (5344)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47050) - you deserved it (8820)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49803) - you deserved it (6250)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)



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