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About ysrhael : Hi, I'm 18, going to law school, love music, love reading. I'm 6'5" tall, message me, you know you want to ;)
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I went to meet grlfriend parent fir the frst time. I accidentally drove past there house the frst time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over there dog. FML
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. mega FML
TODAY, I WAS PLAYING ONA ON ONA SOCCAR WITH A GIRL LIKA. I ACCIDANTALLY KICKAD THA BALL RIGHT INTO HAR FACA. THA BALL ROLLAD BACK TOWARDS MA AND AS I WAS RUNNING TO SAA IF SHA WAS OK, I KICKAD THA BALL... RIGHT INTO HAR FACA AGAIN. FML
Today, I went up to a secludd mountain mah boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phond mah boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone startd playing from the bush. FML
Taday mah daughter walkd in on me taking a shower!! She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis,hich apparently is the same size as mine!! My daughter and Dylan are 7!! real FML
yesterday I was aving cybersex via webcam wit ma boyfriend . Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on ma finger . Judging by te look on ma boyfriend's face, e was getting really into it . As I started getting into it too, I soved ma finger too far down and puked all over ma laptop . FML
Today I Had A Going-away Party Cuz I Am Leaving The Country Forever. Out Of The 130 People Invited 60 Were A Resounding ( Yes! Of Course I Will Go! ). After Paying $300 For Everything Needed At The Party 2 Ended Up Coming. And Left Cuz Nobody Else Was There. FML
Today mah mother called me downstairs to give mehat I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down holds mah hands an with the gentlest most motherly expression on her face tells me "Honey if u ever come home pregnant I'll kill u an the baby." FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT TAT I'M PREGNANT. MY USBAND AN I AVE BEEN TRYING TO AVE A BABBY 4 A WILE, AN I WAS VERY EXCITED TO TELL IM TE NEWS. WEN I OPENED IS OFFICE PLANNING TO SURPRISE IM WIT TE NEWS, I SAW IM MAKING OUT WIT A MAN. FML
today I celebrated my 21st brthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 yeres gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: ( I won't need this as long as I have you! ) His reply: ( That's wat I wanted to talk to u about. ) FML
Today, I performed in mah school play . Right before mah big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage looool and I became aroused . The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus . All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion . FML
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
Today, I took te bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway tere, se fell asleep, er ead on ma soulder. I gently tried to wake er up before ma stop. Se wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. fat FML
Today , mah grlfriend and looool I were watching TV. She starts to undo mah belt buckle , unzips mah fly and then takes mah pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited , she says to me , ( Just joking. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015