About ysrhael : Hi, I'm 18, going to law school, love music, love reading. I'm 6'5" tall, message me, you know you want to ;)
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (78600) - you deserved it (15578)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24530) - you deserved it (106369)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139350) - you deserved it (32526)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24298) - you deserved it (67647)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50231) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53150) - you deserved it (21666)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82137) - you deserved it (6573)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65010) - you deserved it (6426)
On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67352) - you deserved it (17980)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112184) - you deserved it (9396)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84775) - you deserved it (16562)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (197221) - you deserved it (38425)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106159) - you deserved it (5366)
On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56201) - you deserved it (22802)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (166285) - you deserved it (6635)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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