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yesterday the police were canvassing mah neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answerd the door, mah brother saw badges, panickd, an jumpd out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm relatd to this twit. FML
Today, ma girlfriend's overprotective parents decided tat I'm a bad influence on tere daugter. I'm a straigt A engineering studento openly speaks out against drugs, alcool, and discrimination. Tier reason? Someone told tem I dyed ma air black. Tey tink I'm a "closet Nazi". FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind . She was playfully drawing on me with a penhen I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg . I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me . FML
Today , I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me , calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" fir getting his "baby looool girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married fir 3 years. FML
Today a group of grl-scouts cummed to door selling cocolate bars. I bougt 2 bars and smiled as tey left tinking I'd done a good deed. Wen te door closed I eard one of te grls say "Told you te fat bitces always wanna buy from us." FML
Today, I was laying in bd making out with a grl. After trying to figure out 4 a while y she was spending so much time on my looool neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She faild. FML
Friday 27 March 2015