Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

you_failed

Search for a member

you_failed

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8585
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About you_failed : Jen, my name is.

you_failed's page activity

Visits<b>CollinCrafts</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 12:31pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 12:26pm<b>mif</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 11:08pm<b>Rebekahxxx</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 5:22am<b>HerpaderpGlaze</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 12:12pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 3:51pm<b>BearTheCrown</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 3:38am<b>zomk5g</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:26pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 5:32pm<b>Shieldsam</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 4:57pm<b>mayamarble</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 6:04pm<b>pottergames</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 8:36am<b>insanecutie</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:28pm<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 11:37pm<b>QD</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:52am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 8:55am<b>nightwings</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:13pm<b>XCrazyMofo2010X</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 7:35pm

you_failed's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of you_failed's badges

you_failed's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32348) - you deserved it (138940)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19361) - you deserved it (64516)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63539) - you deserved it (5738)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43702) - you deserved it (30639)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46364) - you deserved it (8330)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50075) - you deserved it (3915)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (269898) - you deserved it (17581)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (127816)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18745) - you deserved it (42965)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

#1518935
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70250) - you deserved it (4712)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14926) - you deserved it (62819)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

#1475224
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62552) - you deserved it (4253)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41385) - you deserved it (10011)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

#1435324
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47898) - you deserved it (2823)

On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: