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you_failed

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 7701
  • Number of comments : 165
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About you_failed : Jen, my name is.

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you_failed's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31718) - you deserved it (137088)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31718) - you deserved it (137088)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19236) - you deserved it (64242)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63383) - you deserved it (5729)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43354) - you deserved it (30505)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46272) - you deserved it (8321)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

#1614849
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49961) - you deserved it (3908)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (260058) - you deserved it (17202)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20902) - you deserved it (127337)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (42415)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

#1518935
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70094) - you deserved it (4703)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14873) - you deserved it (62717)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

#1475224
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62392) - you deserved it (4246)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41291) - you deserved it (9998)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)



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