About you_failed : Jen, my name is.
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by Username / 08/04/2010 at 1:18am / Miscellaneous
by jkin47 / 08/03/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML
by bitch / 08/03/2010 at 9:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML
by fatty / 08/03/2010 at 6:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by missalexa / 08/03/2010 at 2:13pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
by Broken / 08/03/2010 at 8:11am / United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi) / Love
Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML
by nowhereman1990 / 08/03/2010 at 12:23am / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous
by ihateumicheal / 08/02/2010 at 11:37am / United States / Love
by Julia / 08/02/2010 at 5:50am / New Zealand (Otago) / Work
by bloodymatzaball / 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm / United States / Work
Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML
by Doodle / 08/01/2010 at 8:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by jacobscrackers / 08/01/2010 at 2:06pm / United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest) / Love
by anon / 07/31/2010 at 1:04pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML
by ick / 07/30/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML
by MLZ / 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…