About yesyesnonono : I'm sorry that I got fat, I'm sorry that I got fat. I'm sorry that I got fat, I was slimmed down.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25033) - you deserved it (2688)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21733) - you deserved it (3353)
On 01/12/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10570) - you deserved it (20876)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10570) - you deserved it (20876)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13904) - you deserved it (1154)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore
Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15885) - you deserved it (1799)
On 02/16/2012 at 2:52am - animals - by JukeboxValkyrie (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19430) - you deserved it (3859)
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22401) - you deserved it (2863)
On 01/26/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by RequilaRainbow - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32247) - you deserved it (3538)
On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27110) - you deserved it (2019)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14200) - you deserved it (2567)
On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18389) - you deserved it (2738)
On 11/14/2011 at 8:23am - misc - by jocksblow - United States
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27163) - you deserved it (2447)
On 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (Kentucky)
Monday 17 June 2013
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