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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16978) - you deserved it (100144)
On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57937) - you deserved it (9306)
On 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (32626)
On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by nolove (woman) - Canada
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96618) - you deserved it (4137)
On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (62077)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60535) - you deserved it (13794)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by Lootz (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47938) - you deserved it (6205)
On 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by alpine75 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68100) - you deserved it (3297)
On 04/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by fmylifebadddd (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34678) - you deserved it (11790)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out I felt someone grab my knee, I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes nearly 25 people we're starring at me, and the lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34189) - you deserved it (5005)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and gave them a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9740) - you deserved it (56833)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by filipinoclari808 (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17744) - you deserved it (90789)
On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77960) - you deserved it (29144)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
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