About xxjohippiexx : Johanna|17|Vegetarian|In Love|Me has a pet unicorn!!|it will rape yuhhh if yuhhh touch me!!:o!| MEAT SUCKS!!!!! RANDOM|Me no gives a fuck!|;D
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xxjohippiexx's favorite FMLs
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML
by bummed / 04/15/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML
by iJehx / 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
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- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…