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xxjessieirishxx

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xxjessieirishxx

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xxjessieirishxx's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15680) - you deserved it (48179)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

#15689615
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17403) - you deserved it (74063)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46821) - you deserved it (13869)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107767) - you deserved it (7602)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18200) - you deserved it (82821)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

#15261290
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45943) - you deserved it (8727)

On 03/10/2011 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anon (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

#15229654
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13560) - you deserved it (41633)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by lolzboss - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

#15218324
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39009) - you deserved it (10546)

On 03/06/2011 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

#15215941
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40397) - you deserved it (20895)

On 03/06/2011 at 6:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

#15213017
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (4856)

On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

#15109555
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45410) - you deserved it (19067)

On 02/25/2011 at 12:12am - intimacy - by greenchan (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21425) - you deserved it (41746)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

#15038049
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (6710)

On 02/19/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

#14737614
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57080) - you deserved it (6762)

On 01/27/2011 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by JordanVilleneuve (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

#14723945
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (5160)

On 01/26/2011 at 7:57pm - intimacy - by PLU (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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