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xxcrazybestiexx

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xxcrazybestiexx
  • Town/Country : Lawrenceville, U.S.A
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 29 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1293
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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xxcrazybestiexx's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

#4390230
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39485) - you deserved it (10223)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

#4389779
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8890) - you deserved it (50259)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44250) - you deserved it (4968)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

#4338265
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42737) - you deserved it (3074)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by tryingnottocare (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40083) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370
817 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20521) - you deserved it (463138)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

#4329775
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62832) - you deserved it (11206)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:05am - intimacy - by OhFseriously123 (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

#4307488
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14979) - you deserved it (55908)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

#4203551
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44208) - you deserved it (2145)

On 08/01/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38962) - you deserved it (8180)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51020) - you deserved it (3443)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
907 comments

I agree, your life sucks (328935) - you deserved it (35697)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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