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xscreamsexydinox's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
xscreamsexydinox's favorite FMLs
by Fatty Fatty Fatso / 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by asausa / 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
by immovingout / 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
by thatonesilentkidinclass / 05/04/2013 at 4:11am / Philippines (Batangas) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm / Germany / Love
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 11:00am / United States / Work
Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML
by acnecream / 05/03/2013 at 9:23am / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Transportation
by poopydaddy / 05/03/2013 at 7:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML
by SingleStrongArm / 05/03/2013 at 1:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 11:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
by Annonymous_Dad / 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for… Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He… Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I…