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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
xsaschax's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
by shylahrc / 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by tired individual / 01/12/2014 at 6:04am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by ShittyProposal / 10/20/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML
by SlapAndTickle / 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm / United States / Kids
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…