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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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xsanctuary

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xsanctuary
  • Town/Country : Lala Land
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13535
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on the AT&T cell phone stand. FML

#4203484 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (5837) - you deserved it (38248)

On 08/01/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (34854) - you deserved it (6642)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

#1659307 (377)

I agree, your life sucks (149270) - you deserved it (30026)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you deserved it (53308)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14 year old boy. FML

#1617373 (536)

I agree, your life sucks (65836) - you deserved it (177653)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (53969) - you deserved it (16140)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

#280969 (57)

I agree, your life sucks (6291) - you deserved it (53220)

On 03/12/2009 at 10:29am - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

#267818 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (45060) - you deserved it (9948)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by EFFED4LIFE (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (62173) - you deserved it (2203)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

#226342 (993)

I agree, your life sucks (284942) - you deserved it (55481)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (21101) - you deserved it (29505)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

#152273 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (37358) - you deserved it (9051)

On 02/27/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by wwasmer (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

#66858 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (47316) - you deserved it (3837)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by w_t_f (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

#36396 (690)

I agree, your life sucks (342743) - you deserved it (22946)

On 02/13/2009 at 10:54am - intimacy - by The Sbeak (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

#21465 (22)

I agree, your life sucks (25287) - you deserved it (2104)

On 02/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by NoWedding (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)